Double Handshake

I landed in Lima late Sunday night after two flights on Ft. Lauderdale-based Spirit Airlines. I hadn’t heard of Spirit before I started looking for cheap airfare from the US to Peru. For those who haven’t heard of Spirit, be forewarned.

Both flights – ORD-FLL and FLL-LIM – were on delipidated Airbus A319s with steel-gray plastic seats, scuffed and pen-marked, and advertisements for tourism to the Bahamas on the back of the tray tables and overhead bins. “Don’t you wish you were here?” the ads asked.

On the Lima leg, our head flight attendant, a trunk of a Caribbean woman named Buffy, told us not to ask for pillows or blankets because there weren’t any. During the flight, Buffy and the others stalked up and down the asile: “Would you like to purchase something to eat or drink?”

Earlier, on the domestic leg, the man next to me tried to buy a Styrofoam cup of coffee for two dollars.

“We don’t except cash, only credit or debit” the attendant said.
“It’s only two dollars,” the man said.
The attendant just shrugged and dumped the cup back into the pot and wheeled away.

“Crooks,” the man said to me. “They charge you for every little thing, and sometimes you can’t even buy it. I hate this airline; I only fly it because I have to.”

He turned away and closed his eyes. “Crooks,” he muttered.

The cabin ads, pay-for food and absence of TVs didn’t bother me so much. It’s well known that airlines, cut-rate and otherwise, are cutting these corners to survive. When I booked the cheapest flight I could find from Chicago to Lima, I pretty much knew what conditions I was in for.

What irked me was reading Spirit’s CEO Ben Baldoza’s “letter” in the in-flight magazine, Skylights. “We don’t charge any hidden fees…” He argued that everything – from checking luggage, booking an aisle seat, a bag of pretzels – is paid for separately and by credit card. “That way you can pay for the services you want.”

Now, I’m willing to endure poor service, no food and no in-flight entertainment if it means saving on a plane ticket. Flying has always felt too ephemeral to splurge on in my book. Trouble is, it’s services “I want,” like checking a bag and selecting a seat, that make up the difference in cost between Spirit and other carriers. And then, with Spirit, you have to ride on a shitty plane, in fear Buffy and her cohorts for the same price as you’d pay on Continental. Not only are you not saving money, but you still have to endure the cut-rate conditions.

And be sure, nothing says cut-rate like a coffee filter bag hanging in the lavatory as an air freshener.

Image: LAsplash